| hmm.,.. |
[Oct. 1st, 2006|03:00 am] |
Sunday, October 1, 2006
Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
You might try to resist the emotions that prove you can really be thoughtful about your feelings. It's often easier for you to blow off the deeper issues and to be the one who knows how to make light in the face of stormy darkness. But today can be one of those days when you feel better about yourself if you are emotionally present instead of just physically active.
Heh... |
|
|
| Hahaha fuckin' a right!! ;) |
[Sep. 29th, 2006|12:50 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  determined | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Bile- In League | ] |
Haha yea so anyway... hopefuly my mom wont back down outta this deal again. She was gonna use my collage money to pay for like 3 months in an apartment... but he backed out and like didn't want to do it anymore... but now I've convinced her to let me look for a privately owned apartment so she dosn't have to put her name on the lease. *thumbs up* Wish me luck! |
|
|
| Wowy its been a loooong time livejournal! O_O |
[Sep. 15th, 2006|02:09 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sore | ] |
Hey... I doubt anybody is going to read this... but I thought it would be worth posting some updates... thought since the last post... there have been SO many.
As of late... well hmm... I've been living with my girlfriend Jackie in PA with her father... He's a real character, he's a real character.
~I went to NJ for probation yesterday and wanted to see at least a few of my friends.. but nobody is ever around. I called Danielle's house and nobody answered, and when I called Shawn's house his mother said he was sleeping. :( *sigh* I miss you guys!!
~I got a letter from Melinda a few weeks ago and I still havn't had the chance to write her back... there is so much shit I want to tell her but like it wil take SO long to write. It sounds liek she's doing really well and I'm proud of her. I think she really needed this.
~So uh since I posted my last, I got arrested again and spent a night in jail, got kicked out of my house again (for running away with Jackie lol) and was homeless for a few months. We've been together for like 4 months. Hehehe (I'm also 4 months sober on the 21st! WOO!)
~Lastnight I spent a few hours talking to my mother in the first time in like 4 or 5 months. It was good... She might help me get an apt. in or around the flemington area. *crosses fingers* I might have to get two jobs but thats okay... I don't mind. I'll get my licence back in a few months... and I'll be closer to my friends. *thumbs up*
~My dad is moving to Wyoming in October... bleh. He dosn't even say "I love you" anymore since mom told him about the drugs and stuff.
~Mandi is coming HOME for Halloween.... SWEET JESUS I'm going ot have SO much fun. I miss that fucking girl SO much. <3
Bleh there is so much else I wanna write but I have crap to do... I need to shower and we're going to pick up the Cosmic Father from school in a little bit.
LEt me know if anyone even reads this anymore! <3 |
|
|
| Hahahahaha ROTF <3 |
[Jul. 14th, 2006|02:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Scarling- Band Aid Covers The Bullet Hole | ] |
Oh man... I started my out-patient groups today... Good times. I actualy really enjoy the afternoon group... good people... I laughed a lot and was silly. Woo.
Jackie left me a bunch of random comments thismorning after I went to bed. I got home and read them and laughed so hard I cried... and almost peed a little... O_O'
I love her.... thought abotu her ALL day... I hope I can go see her today... RAH.
Anyway... haha I'm posting the comments she left... I don't care if you read them... they are for me. lol (goes to print them out too) They will help when I'm feeling down. ^_^' *heart*
chartreuse667 (2:19:03 AM): http://www.lambertvillenj.org/controls//eventview.aspx?MODE=SINGLE&ID=13
chartreuse667 (2:19:07 AM): OMG
chartreuse667 (2:19:13 AM): HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
chartreuse667 (2:19:24 AM): I googles your name and this came up...lol
chartreuse667 (2:20:04 AM): i almost peed my pants...your infraction of the law si forever immortaized through the internet...
chartreuse667 (2:21:42 AM): haha you're the first one too...damn lady
chartreuse667 (2:21:48 AM): damn
chartreuse667 (2:21:54 AM): well...I love you anyway
chartreuse667 (2:21:57 AM): haha
chartreuse667 (2:22:06 AM): i hope you're sleeping well
chartreuse667 (2:22:19 AM): BECAUSE YOUR MOM IS GAY
chartreuse667 (2:22:29 AM): SHE BOTHERS ME A LOT
chartreuse667 (2:22:36 AM): GAY GAY GAY
chartreuse667 (2:22:40 AM): HAHAHAHAHAHA
chartreuse667 (2:22:57 AM): I HOPE YOU START OFF THE MORNING PROPERLY
chartreuse667 (2:23:23 AM): DRINK YOUR COFFEE AND READ THE NEWSPAPER...YOU'RE A GROWN UP NOW
chartreuse667 (2:23:29 AM): YOU HEAR ME?!
chartreuse667 (2:23:36 AM): BECAUSE I'M YELLING
chartreuse667 (2:23:41 AM): LOUDLY
chartreuse667 (2:23:53 AM): MY FONT IS HUGE AND ALL CAPITOLIZED
chartreuse667 (2:25:03 AM): YOU HAVE LEFT ME AND SO NOW I MUST BOTHER YOUR SPIRIT WHILE YOU SLEEP...I HOPE YOU HAVE NIGHTMARES OF ME LEAVEING YOU EXCESSIVE AND STUPID MESSAGES
chartreuse667 (2:25:17 AM): IN ALL CAPS
chartreuse667 (2:25:25 AM): WITH OVERSIZED FONT
chartreuse667 (2:25:38 AM): THIS FONT IS SO BIG BECAUSE I AM YELLING SO LOUDLY
chartreuse667 (2:26:17 AM): AND BECAUSE WHEN I SENT YOU THAT LINK I NEVER CHANGED MY FONT BACK
chartreuse667 (2:26:22 AM): !!!!!
chartreuse667 (2:27:19 AM): AND I AM YELLING LOUDLY
chartreuse667 (2:27:37 AM): BECAUSE IT IS VERY EARLY IN THE MORNING
chartreuse667 (2:27:42 AM): AND I AM STILL AWAKE
chartreuse667 (2:27:47 AM): AND YOU ARE NOT
chartreuse667 (2:27:53 AM): SO I AM YELLING
chartreuse667 (2:28:42 AM): I HOPE YOU WAKE UP VERY GRUMPY AND WHEN YOU READ THIS YOU THINK THAT I AM VERY STUPID
chartreuse667 (2:28:48 AM): BUT YOU LAUGH ANYWAY
chartreuse667 (2:28:59 AM): YOU MUST LAUGH
chartreuse667 (2:32:30 AM): !!!!!
chartreuse667 (2:32:44 AM): THAT'S 5 EXCLAMATION POINTS
chartreuse667 (2:32:52 AM): COUNT THEM
chartreuse667 (2:32:55 AM): 5
chartreuse667 (2:33:52 AM): I WISH I HAD MY CAR...I WOULD DRIVE TO YOUR HOME AND CUT THE PLASTIC OFF OF YOUR WINDOW...THEN I WOULD CLIMB IN AND WAKE YOU UP IN A VIOLENT MANNER
chartreuse667 (2:34:10 AM): PROBABLY SCREAMING
chartreuse667 (2:35:21 AM): THEN I WOULD TALK YOU OUTSIDE AND DRAG YOU BEHIND THE BRICKS
chartreuse667 (2:36:02 AM): I MEAN TAKE YOU OUTSIDE...NOT TALK, THAT DOESNT REALLY MAKE SENSE
chartreuse667 (2:36:14 AM): NOW DOES IT?
chartreuse667 (2:37:25 AM): I'M GROWING FONDER AND FONDER OF THOSE BRICKS
chartreuse667 (2:37:29 AM): HAHA JANE FONDER
chartreuse667 (2:37:33 AM): HAHAHAHAHAHA
chartreuse667 (2:37:46 AM): THAT IS SORT OF HER NAME
chartreuse667 (2:43:05 AM): I HOPE YOU AND YOUR NEW FRIENDS HAVE FUN TODAY
chartreuse667 (2:43:20 AM): THROW A CHAIR FOR ME, WILL YA?
chartreuse667 (2:43:32 AM): YOU BETTER
chartreuse667 (2:44:00 AM): TELL THEM YOU ARE CURRENTLY USING METHAMPETHAMINE
chartreuse667 (2:44:20 AM): AND THEN THROW THE THE CHAIR
chartreuse667 (2:52:10 AM): YOU ARE A TOTAL FAGGOT
chartreuse667 (2:52:23 AM): AND A NINNY
chartreuse667 (2:52:35 AM): A PANSEY IF YOU WILL
chartreuse667 (2:52:47 AM): NOT REALLY
chartreuse667 (2:52:53 AM): BUT SINCE I AM YELLING
chartreuse667 (2:53:12 AM): I FIGURED I WOULD SAY SOME LESS THAN POLITE THINGS
chartreuse667 (2:53:26 AM): BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I DO HWEN I YELL
chartreuse667 (2:53:31 AM): OH NO
chartreuse667 (2:53:53 AM): WHEN...I MENT WHEN
chartreuse667 (2:54:41 AM): I HAVE PICKED THE SCAB OFF OF MY HAND AND IT NO LONGER IS INFECTED...ONLY BLOOD CAME OUT THIS TIME, NO PUS
chartreuse667 (2:56:53 AM): THAT IS GOOD RIGHT?
chartreuse667 (2:57:13 AM): I HOPE THAT THAT MAKES YOUR DAY GO BETTER
chartreuse667 (2:57:31 AM): KNOWING THAT NO PUS CAME OUT OF MY OPEN WOUND
chartreuse667 (2:57:57 AM): IT'S GOOD NEWS
chartreuse667 (2:58:38 AM): WELL...I NEED TO GO OUT TO MY CAR NOW...TO DO SOMETHING
chartreuse667 (2:59:23 AM): SO I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR DAY WHINEING WITH THE OTHER PSYCHOTIC EX AND CURRENTLY USING ADDITCT
chartreuse667 (3:00:10 AM): http://saa-recovery.org/
chartreuse667 (3:00:22 AM): THAT IS FUNNY
chartreuse667 (3:00:25 AM): ANYWAY
chartreuse667 (3:00:28 AM): I MUST GO
chartreuse667 (3:00:54 AM): SO HAVE A GOOD TIME DOING YOUR FAKE RECOVERY THING
chartreuse667 (3:01:08 AM): I WILL BE THINKING OF YOU ALL DAY
chartreuse667 (3:01:21 AM): PLEASE CALL ME WHEN YOU READ THIS
chartreuse667 (3:01:36 AM): EVEN IF IT IS BEFORE 9:00 AM
chartreuse667 (3:01:47 AM): I WOULD LIKE THAT VERY MUCH
chartreuse667 (3:02:45 AM): JUST MAKE WHOEVER ANSWERS THE TELEPHONE WAKE ME UP...I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR YOUR VOICE UPON WAKING...IT BRINGS ME GREAT COMFORT
chartreuse667 (3:03:08 AM): I LOVE YOU WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING
chartreuse667 signed off at 3:05:08 AM. |
|
|
| Placebo- Because I Want You |
[Jul. 11th, 2006|03:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | morose | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Placebo- Because I Want You | ] |
'Fall into you, is all I seem to do
When I hit the bottle
‘Cause I’m afraid to be alone
Tear us in two, is all it seems to do
As the anger fades
This house is no longer our home
Don’t give up on the dream,
Don’t give up on the wanting
And everything that’s true
Don’t give up on the dream,
Don’t give up on the wanting
Because I want you too
Because I want you too
Because I want you too
Because I want you
Because I want you
Stumble into you, is all I ever do
My memory’s hazy
And I’m afraid to be alone
Tear us in two, is all it’s gonna do
As the headache fades
This house is no longer our home
Don’t give up on the dream,
Don’t give up on the wanting
And everything that’s true
Don’t give up on the dream,
Don’t give up on the wanting
Because I want you too
Because I want you too
Because I want you too
Because I want you
Because I want you
Because I want you too
Because I want you too
Because I want you too
Because I want you
Because I want you
Fall into you is all I ever do!
When I hit the bottle
‘Cause I’m afraid to be alone
Tear us in two
Tear us in two
Tear us in two
Because I want you too
Because I want you too
Because I want you
Because I want you
Because I want you too
Because I want you too
Because I want you
Because I want you'
...wow this IS perfect for me right now. |
|
|
| DANGER DANGER! HIGH VOLTAGE! |
[Jul. 11th, 2006|12:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Electric Six- Gay Bar | ] |
...when we touch... when we kiss!
*dances*
UHT OH!
YOU! I WANNA TAKE YOU TO A GAY BAR!!!
Haha oh man.
Okay so anyway... my friggan mother wakes me up thismorning to make a phone call and find out some crap about my sentancing... turns out I'm fine for now and didn't need to do that. lol Oi vey. Stupid bitch. I was actualy sleeping... and dreaming. Grr.
Your a superstar... at the gaybar!
Fucking... my mom wants me to do something constructive today... I was like F THAT. I'll make videos or something... thats constructive! Damnit.
Where is everyone?? Greg is the only one online... double you tee eef. *shakes fist*
O_o'
I'm actualy in a good mood today... I wanna hang out with Shawn or something... but I doubt I'll be able to go anywhere... fucking christ. I'm 20 years old for fuck's sake.
Maybe I should finish my leg at some point.... hmm.
...also constructive. ^_^'
Alright well yeah so... back to what I was doing before... Ouu Jack Off Jill!... Anyway... yeah.
*Stares at screen blankly* |
|
|
| Okay here we go... |
[Jul. 10th, 2006|02:15 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | numb | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Placebo- Every You And Every Me | ] |
*puts on headphones and gets comfy* This might take a while... I doubt I'll go into too much detail right now.
Gah all this music reminds me of Jackie... *slump* Its not really a bad thing though... but what dosn't remind me of her? heh *shakes fist* I couldn't get ahold of her tonight when I got home... I wish we left for home earlier... I lost track of time... gah. She's worried about me cause I didn't come home lasnight and my mom talked to her...
I really am being stupid lately... like I didn't think too much about not calling home lastnight... I was like "Fuck it... I don't care" gah. Stupid. >_<'
*sigh* So I'm doing better now... I think I'm over the whole "Fuck this shit I'm gonna hurt myself out of spite now cause I'm so miserable" thing... Now I'm ready to fucking do what I have to do to geth through this... nomatter how stupid or pointless I think or feel it is. "In the shape of things to come... too much poison come undone... cause there's nothing else to do... every me and every you..."... sorry I thought that was perfect at this moment. I love this fuckign song... I love this band. >_<'
Wow... its 3:17 and I got rapped up talking to my mom's best friend... then Shawn... then Mandi... and for the life of me I cannot multitask tonight... GAH... I can usualy do that nomatter what... 5 people at a time AND a chatroom... heh I have a LOT on my mind.
Yea so fuck you if I get all EMO... I was EMO before EMO was EMO... fuck. Hah. I'm in such a weird mood. I have been going UP AND DOWN AND UP AND DOWN and numb and deppressed and sad and lonely and scared and happy and laughing and back again... fucking A.
I miss Jackie... period. I don't need to say anything else cause everyone knows it. lol I hope She's okay and I hope she dosn't stop missing me.
Gah I would write more but I'm so drained... I've been sititng here in the same possition for like 4 hours hardly blinking... Why am I so intence?? My tounge hurts cause I've been chewing on it... and typing like a maniac.... Hmm Yes. I'm Manic right now... ish... Uht Oh guys!!! I could snap at any moment!!! *rolls eyes*
*sigh* Alright... I hope I can sleep... so I can wake up and Call Jackie and let her know I'm okay and everything... and find out about her. Gah G'nght kids. |
|
|
| Horoscope |
[Jul. 9th, 2006|04:12 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | John's house | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Placebo- Every You Every Me | ] |
"July 09, 2006
As the old saying goes, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Today you start to understand that idea in a whole new way, when someone's return to the scene is distinctly underwhelming. No worries, though -- you'll have plenty of other things to look forward to during this freewheeling and all around relaxing day. Enjoy the fact that you (unlike many people) know exactly who you are and aren't afraid to be yourself. That realization keeps you smiling all day. "
Hmm...
John and Al rescued me today... I'm glad I'm not home... I might be doing something bad to myself again. I miss Jackie so much and I just want to look in her eyes again. Ahg I used to mak efun of people who talked liek this... fucking A man... I miss her so much.
I hope she'll still have me when she's back. |
|
|
| SONOFABITCH |
[Jul. 7th, 2006|02:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Hole- Northern Star | ] |
I'm almost done with my sixth beer.
I'm Listining to Hole and can't stop thinking about Jackie and how I just wish she was here so I could spill my guts to her... cause I'm too much of a coward to do it sober. *chugs beer* I want her to get better.... I want to see her happy... and if that means that she has to do it without me than so be it... I will suffer and be miserable... I've been miserable my whole life... I just want her to be happy and well...
I can't even begin to describe how she makes me feel. This whole fucking months has been some of the worst times... but its also been the best month or so in my LIFE... and I mean that. I'm fucking 20 years old and I can honesltyl say that after experienceing this stuff I have NEVER actualy truely and honestly been HAPPY.
This is some seriouys Xena and Gabby shit here... and for the longest time I didn't want to admit it... but thats how it is man... it just hit me like a ton of bricks and this girl knocked me off my fucking feet. (sigh* Jesus christ I'll be right back... my hands are typing faster than I can concensly think.
Okay I just made another drink... this Grande Monye whatever shit tastes really really bad... I'm only doing this because I'm too much of a coward to actualy say things sober. I'm realy a Scoprio in thatr way. )Wow I just had to go outsider and talk to jackie's mom for a while.. I think that went well.)
..........................................................................................................
OKay guys... its now 12:02 am and I just got back from the ER... after drinking all that shit mom came home and took me and laurel to see Pirates of the Carabian 2 and I was kinda shit faced... so she took me to the ER after and I was there for hours... sonofabitch. At least I got to stab myself with a needle cause the nurse couldn't find my vein. Hah. *thumbs up sarcasiticaly*
Hah jesus... I havn't even read what I wrote before. I wish my mom didn't find out I was drunk... when I get drunk I spill my fucking guts... cause the gods know I can't when I'm sober. Fucking scorpio.
Anyway... thats all for now kids... maybe I'll update later... now I have to put on Hole cause its been stuck in my head ALL fucking day...
I miss Jackie. :(
P.S. GO see Pirates 2... fucking AWESOME... I jumped up at the end... some crazy good shit. *thumbs up* |
|
|
| My life as a warrior princess.... |
[Jun. 4th, 2006|01:48 pm] |
I've notciced how similar (metiphoricaly) my life is compaired to Xena's. I'm on the verge as of this moment... to move on from 'Evil Xena' to the 'Transitional' stage of her life. I'm around the same age...I have a pretty similar back-story...and I can almost map out my life according to Xena's. So if I predict right... haha actualy its more like wishful thining...but I should meet a cute little blonde that wants to follow me around... I should be around 25...?
...but that also means that I would probably die a heroic death at the age of 31... unless...wait no... maybe not... cause some fate was changed... I never killed those 40,000 at Hagutchi...O_O' We'll see...
Call me crazy... yea I hear ya... I don't care. Cause I know when I'm right... and it NEVER fails.
Here's who I've met so far... possibly
~Xena- Me
~Joxer- I guess that would be Shawny...and maybe Justin too...
~Callisto- Hmm...we met after Gabby... maybe... there's a little Kim, and Danielle in there...and even some Mandi... heh heh heh
~Hercules- Always been Andrew...and Ray...
~Ares- all the men in my life...
~Akimi- Melinda...HAH! O_O' You are my BANE woman!
~Lou Ma- That can be Mandi, and Danielle... put me on the right path.
~Aphroditie- ...Maybe this is like all my friends... little bits of all of them.
~Perdicus- There is a little Chad there... he can be Marcus too. ;)
~Borius/ Ceaser- drugs...
Well anyway thats all I can think of right now... I havn't slept in about three days straight... so I've been doing a lot of thinking... like when I finaly sat up in bed today...after tossing and turning all night... I sat up for about an hour... in silence... with just the thoughts in my head. I think I'm starting to go a little nutty... can you tell?
I'm gonna write a book someday...
"Its warmer in hell, so down we go..."
Anyway... yea... I'm so bored... I think I'm gonna go shower... I need to find something to do. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
amael_lindar's journal
contemplative